I found a deep configuration
Of self hate and constipation
A reflection of all my choices
To be someone who is voiceless.
I’ve always wanted to be accepted
Loved for who I am and not rejected
But as a child I was ridiculed
For being myself, I was soundly schooled.
I remember the trauma
The confusion, the drama
To mumma I would plead:
Who am I if I am not me?
I don’t want to be this person
If being truly him is seriously hurtin’
My voice is too loud
My chest is too proud
I’m such a silly idiot
So I make myself small
So you can pity it.
Oh, and such satisfaction did I draw
Your sympathy is what I wanted more
And finally I was liked for this creation
A mask of need and desperation.
I would be intelligent
And oh, so elegant
Pleasant to be around
An accomodating clown.
Good morning, I am Mr Nice Guy
You’re right, I’m wrong cause I’m a little shy
I can be your puppet
Whatever you need, I’ll suffer it
I only ask one thing in return
Just confirm and compliment
This discontent and toxic dissident.
I don’t write this to indulge
But if I don’t say something I will bulge
I seek to heal that which I’ve chosen
A game of mirrors and petty emotion.
I feel the power of who I truly am
Knocking on the door, waiting to be let in
But I’m finding it hard to let go
Of this layer of protection that is hollow.
I’ve rejected myself so many times
And now that I’m healing I’m feeling it rise
But I’ve connected to something glorious
Which whispers that I’ll be victorious
Because on a deeper level
My hurts are not me in truth
On a deeper level
The love that I am can not be refused
On a deeper level
I choose to live who I truly am:
Love and only love
A power of infinite value
The only question is can you?
im-press 